Odourless, tasteless
I softly arranged the little squared paper on my tongue and I was waiting.
M was telling me to let it melt gently as It would have taken less for the acid to have is effect once dissolved.
I was trying to do that, was like swallowing a napkin while you are trying to eat an home-made sandwich, you know that unpleasant feeling when you realize you are swallowing papered cheese.
That bloody thing got stuck everywhere and now that I was trying to swallow it I couldn’t unstuck it from my palate.
I quickly throw down some water and regain peace again. Now was a matter of waiting.
Waiting was what I liked less.
When you take acid you never know what to expect, you never know how the acid would evolve in you,how it will make you feel.
Is weird, is like waiting for something you have no idea on what it will look like.
With Mdma you start to sweat and your heart beat faster, with cocaine is pretty immediate the chatting rushed feeling, with Ketamine you space out, you get numb, with mushroom you start laughing like an idiot and the space around you gets all bubbly, mescaline is quite unpredictable but is distinct by that rotten oranges taste and by everything getting sort of curvy….each drug more or less has a quite peculiar way to present itself.
Lsd has not.Each time is different and each time you feel like is not really working and you start to think that you just got a bad batch or a low quality acid. Perhaps is when you realize this that you start to feel the acid waving inside your body.
That night was for me pretty crucial.
I hadn’t taken acid in while by then and bravely that night I took a whole by myself. M himself didn’t dare to and he split his acid in 2 saving the other part for later.
Everyone though I was gone insane;I didn’t.I was sure of what I was doing and I really want the experience to embrace me fully.
Before the acid had its effect I was trying to dance but slowly I was feeling more and more tired, I couldn’t breath properly, I couldn’t feel my legs, I felt to lie down but there was no space around me to do that.
It was bad, I was feeling like I was going to lose myself. Weak, like my bones were crumbling under my skin.
“This time they might have to call an ambulance I though, this time is really bad..” I was scared but instead of letting the fear beat me I started to fight it and the more I was feeling breathless the more I was trying to dance harder.
At one point I felt like I was passing out and I grabbed Luca’s harm tightly. I praise him to take me out, I need it some air.
Some hours were passed by the moment where I swallowed the paper, was starting to getting lighter outside or was just me getting enlightened?
Luca was worried, he took me under his harm, he sat me down. M and the others followed him. I sat down on the little fence outside. Crawling in my body, head inside my arms trying to breathe deeply. Inhale-Exhale, the breathing is the key in this moment, the way for the acid to release is power in your body. Breathe again, “It’s all good, it’s all part of the journey,stay with me, feel me…” Satirka was the voice inside my head, he was guiding me trough my experience, he was there, I could feel him, I could see him.
All the sudden my soul rejoice my body, I was inside myself again but I was lighter, I was brilliant and everything was so deeply fucking rooted inside my core.
I lift my head up and I looked at the guys,theyseemed pretty relief. I smiled and went back inside. The music was trembling ,it was calling me, pushing me in from the depth of my intimate self.
Inside the space was sparkled with colours, was seemed weirdly decorated now was an explosion.
The painted shrugs were alive and they were waving trough the ceiling.
The music was like nothing I’ve ever heard before. It was inside me and It was moving up trough my feet finding is way to the top of my head and down again.
I was moving my body effortlessly, the music was moving it.
Everything around me was free of boundaries, belief, way of being. It was all love, all part of a bigger picture that I could not describe with words.
I was feeling pleasure, one of the deepest pleasure I’ve ever experience since then. A mind blowing mental orgasm dusted with a never-ending light.
Was marvellous to see my own self twerking with the light coming from nowhere.
The time was slow and then it was fast; the music was changing and it was penetrating your muscles, piercing your bones and coming out to the air again with pieces of our soul served as a sharing platter to the people around you.
Everyone was ready to share, everyone was open to receive.
People smiling and boarding with you to the unknown land for a while, till the connection last.
No words between. Just dance, body language, eyes contact.
A primordial orgy of soul that is how it felt.
My first rave was a sexual party of some sort. Something far beyond sex , something greater that at the time I couldn’t explain to myself.
My first rave was all I need it to realize what I was missing and what I’ve should have aim for: purity, freedom, joy.
He was with me all the time, Satirka was behind me in what I was doing. He never left me alone that night although I still don’t know if he ever got there physically.
Love and gratitude for him was spreading out from me towards the end of the party.
I want more of that, I want it to know what it was like for him as well.
It wasn’t just a party it was far beyond what people think about rave party, from what I was thinking myself.
It gets you from the core, from the inside of your ravished soul.