We landed in on a rainy day of March.
Was busy,crowded,fast.
I never saw so many people moving around so fast,so focus so nervous.
Rush hour on a friday afternoon,world moving around, new faces new environment.
I was feeling scared and instead I was showing my strongest side holding my two luggage on the street heading to the place recommended to find easily a cheap place to sleep.
We didn’t have any plan at all, we didn’t know anybody that was there already.We were alone.
M was positive, he was laughing all the time looking around with dreams spelled eyes, his wonder was contagious.
I still remember the sweet smell of the shisha in Bayswater, the shiny duck hang on the restaurant windows, the huge roll of kebab adorned with citrus on the top, the abundance of fruits on the street stalls ,the asian supermarket with exotic frozen cut of meat.
The air of Bayswater was refreshed by the magic of a subtle rain. The sky was grey,the light looked soft and tired. In my head “rainy day in soho” by Nick Cave.
Finding a place to sleep wasn’t so easy and wasn’t cheap.
For the first week we hang around changing rooms and hostels quite often.
We felt lost. I was behaving strong, M was falling apart, feeling the distance,missing his friends, I never saw that side of him before, I never saw his weakness but now was pretty clear to me as it was sober, he hadn’t had any drugs for the whole time we where there and that was the first time since I’ve met him.
Didn’t last long, we quickly discover that one of our fella from Italy was there.I was trying to avoid the contact as I knew where it was going to lead us.
But he need it, he need it a friend, someone of his old reality, someone who could help him to know what to do next.
We went to his house later that week and we got what we came for and I also got a job in the place where the fella was working.
M still didn’t have a job but now he had a contact and some people to smoke out with.
I was scared, I didn’t come to London to party, to get arrested, I did it for my sister.
I need it to get out from Italy before it was too late for me, before I had destroyed myself.
And although now I can say that moving here was the best thing I could have done for myself, at the time I didn’t know.
Leaving my sister was painful, I remember her face when I told her I was moving, I remember my little niece being barely able to walk and I look at her now running,swimming,talking freely as just a kid can do. Leaving them was the hardest part, with them I left a big chunk of myself exposed to the world, everyday I remember the pain of the moment were I cut the big string that was feeding each other and I flew away.
Coming here was for me the way to grow my own personality and I felt I didn’t want to waste any minute of my journey as I didn’t do it to have fun , I never been so keen of this city,It just felt the right thing to be doing in my life.Following your path request a lot of sacrifice and for me that is represented by the moments that I’ve lost with my niece, I didn’t saw her growing, my brother becoming grey,my mother growing older, my dog dying, my grandma changing from the strong self sufficient woman to the fragile living being that she’s now.
We found a house share in shepherd bush market, our flatmates they were from italy too.
M found a job after a while however living with him in this new reality was showing me the truth of his being.
I felt as I was becoming a mother of a troubled child.
I was frustrated, the job was painful, demanding.
I was working as a waitress, long hour,shit pay. Coming back home late in the evening smelling of fried bacon and cheap coffee I was so desperate for a homely hug but instead M was crawling on the couch smoking his day out and so I was doing the same.
We work a little and then we got enough.
We both quit our job and we decided to take it easy,getting to know the city before and perhaps toward the end of our saving we would have found a job or moved to another city.
We both felt the urge to party that night that we quit, need it to release frustration and unhappiness.
So we did, we went out, with our old friend from italy.
However the night was unsuccessful, no drugs around, and the ketamine it was shit cheap stuff.
Disappointed we left the club around 3 am and we went to get stoned at home.
Horrible night,horrible music,environment. What was that? Where was the beauty,the sparking crazy night that London was known for?
Was in that M saw a new job opportunity and everything started again.
We remember of a contact given to us while we were surfing the clouds with a dude during one of the most crazy after party I’ve ever been. We call him.
A couple of days after,we were discovering an unknown part of London.I quickly feel in love with the sensuous dark and homely appear of this side, so different from where we lived.
The guy was living in a splashy fun house somewhere. He was funny,his house was adorned with fun and hospitality.
He was our new Ketch supplier. His stuff was insane;as anything we ever tried before.
M was shining on his way down to home,I started crying from the fearof being chained up, far from my beloved,in a place where I didn’t know laws and whatsoever. M was reassuring me that it was going to be easy,that I shouldn’t be worry.
When we got home I decided to put my thoughts behind and try to accept our new role in the london society.
Let’s see what is going to happen.
We went partying again some days later, Fabric this time.
Again we were disappointed from the clubbing scene in the city, It was pathetic, It was like everyone that was around that night had no clue of who was playing and had no interest to feel the music. People were more focused on getting wasted out of their eyes with alcohol instead of tuning in with the music and let their body moving freely upon it.
Was different of what we were use to. People didn’t like to listen, people like to get out of their mind, like to forget disliking to get in depth.
I though that in Italy the clubbing scene was made of gummy shaped human but here was even worst, people were like solid bunch of alcoholic distortion, they were inelegant, unearthly attached to the bar and to the toilet to sniff some “freshly grated wall”
I got the point why no one was using or selling drugs here, there was no point of doing it as people like to drown themselves in alcohol. However ketamine was the right partner for them as it didn’t request any withdraw and any particular wait. It was pretty much straight forward and people like the fact that it was just temporary.
On our first “shift” we made 200 pound, not bad.
I spent my first drug money to buy art material and t-shirts. I started creating again, dreaming to be able to have my own brand, to be able to sell my creations.
We were both living our little dream and was beautiful.
The spring was blossoming outside, we were together in our surreal builded reality, in our little special world made of lies to our parents and of several trip towards our supplier’s house.
The light outside was warm and kind and we loved to spent part of our day lying down on the grass in the nearest park playing around with a kite or just being together.
We were breathing together our uncertain sometimes slightly dangerous life.
I knew it wasn’t going to last forever but I felt the need to enjoy it.Enjoy the flowers discovering the sun, the light breath of the wind.
I loved to hear the birds singing outside our living room window.
We need it some time to settle, to get back together again on that sacred place were we meet and we feel in love.
Aria di Battersea 